February Ends, We March On

Originally posted March 1st 2023

February felt much more eventful than January, which I think is always the case. Besides the occasional bit of snow, the month proved to be the beginning of the end for winter, a disturbingly mild one at that. Despite the eventfulness the most exciting thing I can think of is finally finding my favourite tea (Pukka’s vanilla chai) although it doesn’t taste the same. I think I just forgot the flavour or like everything since returning to America, it’s just different.

It was a great month for music, with new albums by Young Fathers, Paramore, Yo La Tengo, Black Belt Eagle Scout and Caroline Polachek. March is also promising with albums by Yves Tumor, Kali Uchis, slowthai and Boygenius. 2022 felts a bit lackluster for me when it came to new albums beyond Diaspora Problems by Soul Glo and Just Mustard’s Heart Under (and of course Alex G but his stuff always feels unrelated to the year, beyond time), I think it was all being saved for 2023. I considered sharing my monthly spotify playlist but that would be telling you too much about me (there’s an awful lot of the hardcore band Aiden this month for some reason), I’ll instead make a “nice” version, aka less emo shite (but you’re still getting some Aiden). But I’m happy to already have my album of the year most likely already sorted (Heavy Heavy by Young Fathers only to be possibly usurped by Yves Tumor but that will have to wait).

I read more this month, finally finishing The Topeka School by Ben Learner. My dad and I started a little book club and that was the first book (our next book is Matrix by Lauren Groff, another I’ve been meaning to read for ages), one I was unsure about at first. There are sections that go on about high school competitive debate that felt like a slog but I will say it does pay off incredibly satisfyingly. It’s a book about trying to be a good man, what that even means, and also still fitting in as well as struggling with impulses of masculinity and familial patterns. It’s told from various perspectives throughout the 1950s-2018. The timeline jumps back and forth but it never feels confusing or random. I’m excited now to read other works by Learner, although I have quite the to read pile at the moment. But when do I not?

I’d written about Love, Leda by Mark Hyatt in my first substack but now I’ve had a month to think about it and it still holds up. I keep thinking about it when I go to a cafe or find myself feeling a bit lethargic. I feel a bit like Leda when I get bored and think about past crushes, being overly romantic about the whole thing. When I read the book I kept waiting for something terrible to happen, I mean something does but it feels so ordinary. Near the end of the book, Leda takes a friend of his kids to the beach and I just kept waiting for one of them to go missing or be swept off into the sea and I don’t know if this was intentional from the writer or my own projection. I think a decade of watching Game of Thrones has given me permanent brain damage. I’m still shocked when something doesn’t try to “subvert expectations”. Maybe I’m just more grateful now when a story makes sense and doesn’t feel like it needs to trick you to care.

I finally watched Tár, which I guess is my three hour movie of the month. I quite enjoyed the whole thing, it was unsympathetic which was a nice respite from movies trying to get you to like the main character and justify their actions. It also wasn’t a film that enjoyed tearing down Lydia Tár either, it didn’t treat you like an idiot. You make up your mind about her, I’m just a camera. Did Tár do what they do because of ego? Loneliness? Emulating idols? Why doesn’t matter. It is a film so unconcerned with why people do the things they do, it’s about the actions themselves. I was hesitant to watch a movie about “cancel culture” but I think it understands that the whole thing is a farce. Do things change? The players maybe but ultimately we all go on with our lives, the rich stay rich, etc. Cate Blanchett is great, obviously, and the Berlin setting is perfect against her coldness. It’s one I would like to watch again, if just for the cinematography alone. It makes me want to move to Berlin which I doubt is what the film was going for, but it would be a very me thing to do. Move to a new city because of a movie, why not.

Lastly, I thoroughly enjoyed Which As You Know Means Violence by Philippa Snow. It is a book I’ve been meaning to read since it’s release last September and it explores self-mutilation as an art form. From Jackass to Bob Flanagan, Snow is makes wonderful connections between post-911 nihilist masculinity and the performance art movement of the 1960s and 70s. I do want to correct Snow that the TV show Rad Girls was not on MTV but Fuse (and also cannot believe they reminded me that Rad Girls existed, a show aping off the success of Jackass but with women). Also thanks to the book I went down a Bob Flanagan rabbit hole online and found he was in the Nine Inch Nails music video for Happiness in Slavery, which was fun. The book is a bit like a spiritual successor to Maggie Nelson’s Art of Cruelty and I know I’m not the first to make that comparison. But while Nelson was concerned with the ethics of performance art and the audience, Snow’s thesis isn’t concerned so much with who’s looking due to the self-inflicted aspect of the performances (besides Marina Abramovic where the other is necessary). If anything, I love the cultural analysis of Jackass and can tell my parents it is in fact art after it being banned in the house when I was a teen.

This marks a month of substack and it’s starting to take more shape. I like these end of the month round ups and am figuring out the weekly pieces still but it’s becoming more clear what works and what doesn’t. I appreciate everyone taking the time to read these and hope you’ve enjoyed them.

Thanks for reading

-Enya xx

Books read:

Love, Leda by Mark Hyatt

On Not Knowing by Emily Ogden

The Topeka School by Ben Learner

Quantum Listening by Pauline Oliveros

Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto

Which As You Know Means Violence by Philippa Snow

Films watched and recommendation:

When You Finish Saving The World (after I watched it I saw it had 63% on rotten tomatoes and thought that was pretty accurate, I’d give it a pass).

Men (I’d like to say give it a chance but I know you won’t)

Tár (flip a coin, heads watch it, tails give it a pass)

The Mummy (great movie, always worth watching, the most bisexual film ever made)

Dead Ringers (it’s so ugly and 80s, yes, give it a watch)

Party Girl (very 90s, yes, but don’t expect it to be very high brow despite being on the Criterion Channel)

Only Lovers Left Alive (I always wonder if Jim Jarmusch, the director and writer, is in on the joke, I mean obviously in some ways yes, but then there are moments I’m not so sure. The wigs are awful but give it a go).

Infinity Pool (yes, it’s a fun violent time)

Censor (yes, and also a reminder that 1980s england was a terrible time)

Interview With The Vampire (highly recommend watching with someone who’s never seen it)