June Dude

Originally posted June 28th 2023

June has been long and gone by in a flash! I hardly watched any movies, I was too busy being outside and painting again. I visited Marsha P. Johnson Park and the East River for the first time since moving to Brooklyn. On a random Saturday I walked through a thick crowd of people and it felt wonderful, I missed the simplicity of pushing through. Dodging handbags and shoulders, the moment of coming out the other side and taking a breath. I’ve been walking a lot, I love a wander, although the issue with America, even in New York, is things tend to look the same. But I must remember advice given to me when I first moved to London: “Remember to look up”. The architecture of this city is fighting against itself, plus Americans love building things out of plywood so there’s always a bit of anxiety when watching the construction of apartment buildings (I’ve noticed old buildings getting new flats built on the roofs, something that couldn’t possible go wrong).

I reread Train Dreams by Denis Johnson for my dad and I’s book club (which went on hiatus while trying to get through Matrix by Lauren Groff earlier this year). It’s a book I purport to love but haven’t read it in some years and wanted to see if my love remains. It’s one of the books that really ignited my love for reading. It was suggested to me by a bookseller who would eventually become a friend, and he lent me his copy because it was out of print until Granta did a new edition a couple years ago (the one I’m reading now). I remember reading it, the ending sitting with me for a long time. I couldn’t shake it off. After returning the loaned copy I went online and bought my own second-hand so I could reread some passages. But that was about four years ago and I read it either just before or after I read In the Distance by Hernan Diaz so the two blend together a little (both westerns, both favourites). And I must say, what a wonder little book. Johnson was such a good writer, I’m not sure how I could ever really explain how good he is. He falls into the same category I put Hernan Diaz and Donna Tartt, writers who so confidently write about history, craft and labour in a way that makes them natural and never over explains. I’m delighted I reread it, because it’s so nice to read a really good fucking book. Not just good but something that becomes personal to the reader, this is a book I will come back to again and again. There’s just something about a lonely man in the wilderness that gets me (except Into the Wild, that book sucks, haha).

I watched Crash, written and directed by David Cronenberg, and it is perhaps the most “I can’t talk to anyone about this” of his films I’ve watched this year given the premise is about people who get off on car crashes. His films always have a very strong psychosexual angle, this one is the most up front about it so far. Maybe Crimes of the Future too, but in that surgery is sex, while in this sex is sex but also cars are sex. I am getting to a point of immunity with Cronenberg, where I’m just like “sure”, car crashes are sex why not. I’d like to go into his brain for like 10 minutes tops, just to see what goes on in there. Although, he might just be daydreaming about making a fried egg, he gets all the odd stuff out. His work makes me laugh at the absurdity but I love how it takes itself so seriously, because that is the only way it can be. If the movie pointed out the absurdity it would deflate the whole thing. Something I have really enjoyed about watching all these Cronenberg movies this year is how seriously he takes his stories. It’s refreshing to see in the metacinema era we’re currently in, where everything has to point a finger at itself (while Cronenberg is pointing at you going “you like this?” and smirking). Crash is based off a J.G. Ballard novel of the same name but I haven’t read it so I’m not sure how much of it is taken from the text and reinterpretation.

I attempted to read Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller and I have no doubt that it’s well written, I just found it to be a slog. I read it as if it was a comedy, which helped, because you could easily read it in all seriousness and have a miserable time of it. I found it to be quite self-depreciating, I don’t know how seriously he took the book, but I think you’re meant to laugh a little. I gave up after a while, not because I disliked it, I think it just felt too much like a drunken ramble, which is not always a bad thing. I might just have to take a break and spin back.

An album I’ve been listening to a lot is Transgender Dysphoria Blues by Against Me! which is a wonderful album. I remember listening to it on repeat when it first came out about a decade ago but it was around the time of my exams so any music from that era has been tucked away (this list includes Electra Heart by Marina & the Diamonds and Lorde’s Pure Heroine). Against Me’s lead singer, Laura Jane-Grace, is one of the greats in my mind. Her voice is insane and I love that she forgoes respectability in favour of reality and grime. In 2023 I really need to hear a pissed of trans woman screaming, that apathy shouldn’t even be an option.

My cooking skills have been improving, I made a very nice salad dressing (recipe) and started cooking with beef tallow that I got from a nice grass-fed local butcher. Also started making pesto pasta with chicken and I can never go back, (cook the chicken with the beef tallow, season with salt, pepper (lots), garlic & onion powder and oregano). Made a pasta sauce that’s literally just a bunch of roasted veggies blended with coconut milk that I perhaps made too much of and resorted to having the leftovers as soup but it dawned on me that it was completely vegan and pretty good (roast tomatoes, onions, carrots, red bell pepper, garlic til tender, throw in the blender with coconut milk and salt n pepper, red pepper flakes on top, boom). Found a new favourite cheese, Fluer du Maquis, followed closely by Dirt Lover, a “bloomy rind sheep’s milk cheese coated in vegetable ash”. I’m all about sheep’s cheese now, cow’s cheese is so 2022. I talked to my local cheese monger about why halloumi is so expensive here (it’s ‘cause it’s imported, so if anyone wants to start a halloumi business in the states hit me up) and what’s good to pair with cava (hence the Fluer du Marquis). The Sunday market is livening up for the summer and my sister is delighted to have found a good empanadas stall, whilst I’m still excited by the size of the local farmers shallots (the ones in the supermarkets are giant and concerning). I’ve been cooking other things but it’s just a lot of random protein with rice or potatoes. Basically I just throw garlic and chili oil into a pan and dinner appears. I think my focus for July will be more vegetarian and vegan meals, despite being a meat and potatoes gal. I highly recommend the cookbook Colu Cooks by Colu Henry. I’ve made several recipes from this book (a couple multiple times) and they’ve all been delicious! Especially the Chicken Quintiliano (I’ll send the recipe to anyone curious).

In a couple days I’m off to the Catskills, excited to be back on long stretches of highways, pitstop existentialism abound. I look forward to being in a gas station with t-shirts of Jesus sending a facebook friend request saying “Will You Accept?” (a real shirt I saw when I was like 14 and think about often). I’m hoping to enjoy the 4th of July weekend, despite it being a holiday I care very little about. I’ve had to buy some rope because we’ll be in bear country, so tying up the cooler to hang from a tree is always fun (for those of you not aware, bears will steal your food, breaking into your car if they have to, so you have to hang your food bag/box from a tree where they can’t get ‘em, plus harder to smell so they don’t wander into your campsite). The black bears will probably be scared off by the inevitable firework shows blasting all weekend, but you can’t be too careful when it comes to a ton of fur with butcher knives for nails and teeth. I did spend the beginning of my life with grizzly bears being a normal thing, so black bears I’m not too worried about but hey, I’ve spent the last 12 years not having to worry about pissing off wild life, so I got the damn rope.

Thanks for reading,

Enya xx

Books read & recs:

Having and Being Had by Eula Biss- I think it was an interesting book, not very in depth but a good exercise in thought, the first section was the weakest but once through that I enjoyed it. A good non-fiction summer read.

Train Dreams by Denis Johnson- One of my favourite books and always recommend.

Your Love Is Not Good by Johanna Hedva- I was sad I didn’t enjoy this as I’d been looking forward to it. Something about the writing didn’t work for me. I did not finish it so maybe it got better, but I can’t say for certain.

Nocilla Dream by Agustín Fernández Mallo- A wonderful book, vignettes all connected by a stretch of desert highway. Published by Fitzcarraldo and they do not miss.

Affinities by Brian Dillon-A series of essays on art and what makes one love certain works. It’s a book not interested in what is “good” art, but what Dillon is drawn to as a writer of art and culture.

Films & recs:

Showing Up (2023)-I really liked this movie. It was quiet and slow and not much happens (in a good way). The main character is a detached artist who works at an art school preparing for her show. I liked that the art was actually contemporary, I find a lot of movies still think Modern Art is contemporary art (is it Contemporary Art now? is that the new confusion?). I wonder if the film translates well to those not familiar with the art world, there are certain touches and dialogue that I really appreciated but don’t know if it would make sense if you’ve never been stressed about a catalogue.

Crash (1996)- Cronenberg 2023 continues and there is no one I can recommend this to (scratch that, I’ve recommended it to two people) but I liked the movie quite a bit.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)-I remember watching this for the first time when I was 16 and it amazed me, German Expressionism has been something that’s stuck with me since. I’ve watched it a few times but this time I watched a version with live music which was very good. It’s one of my favourite movies and it’s on youtube for free.

Sanctuary (2023)-I really liked this movie, it’s about a dominatrix being fired by her client and a power play that ensues. A lot of interesting choices and fun to watch, trying to figure out what’s the game and what’s real.