MAYbe Baby

Originally posted May 31st 2023

I have been listening to a lot of stuff I liked when I was around 17/18 years old. Monsters & Men, Tegan & Sara, Daughter, Jimmy Eat World, etc. That era of fun indie, where I was just getting a taste of adulthood and it felt like the music was cheering me on. I’ve been playing my records, Lomelda, Yo La Tengo, Ida, Nick Drake, loud around the apartment. I’m cooking, cleaning, lazying around to music, I am engulfed in it. I like that playing records demands participation, you might as well dance a little before side A ends, you’re on your feet anyways, flip, press, turn away as the song starts. I’ve been scrolling through my old iTunes account, I can see the first song I ever bought was Kill All Your Friends by My Chemical Romance in 2007. My iTunes used to have a lot more music but most of it was burned from CDs which don’t transfer over laptop to laptop. My CD case was stolen over a decade ago, so some of that music is gone forever. I on occasion, come across a record I remember having a CD of and it’s a bit like seeing a friend from primary school. Shocking and a bit awkward. Sometimes its nice, usually we recognise we are completely different people now. But I like that, I like that I don’t always give into a need for nostalgia. I don’t have the craving to listen to P!nk like I once did just for the sake of “I remember this”. It’s like how I don’t reread my old journals, I made the mistake of going through one once and was reminded some things are better forgotten.

Due to a certain video game franchise, I’ve not got much reading done. I’ve been busy when not gaming not sitting on my ass, going for walks with my sister, chores, hanging out with our newly adopted cat, Peter Lestat (Peter because my friends mom picked it and I can’t say no and Lestat after the Anne Rice character because he is both very needy and annoyed with you at all times). But I did read a couple of the big releases from this month.

Max Porter’s Shy might have been the nail on the coffin for me and Max. Not that it was bad, but because I don’t think I’m ever going to get a book I liked as much as Lanny from him again. It’s a me problem probably. I liked the premise, the ideas laid out, but I didn’t really care for it as an experimental work. I feel as if it would have worked better handwritten rather than printed.

The book I was far more excited about was Small Worlds by Caleb Azumah Nelson who wrote the wonderful book Open Water. Nelson explores similar ideas as his first book, love, grief and music but it doesn’t feel like a repeat. This book is much more concerned with family and community, its beauty and faults. I read the book in less than 24 hours, it’s safe to say I liked it. No, maybe not as much as Open Water but that book caught me by surprise while Small Worlds is the terrifying second album. It’s a book that makes me excited to see where Nelson goes next, will it be the experimental third album? The safe bet? A genre shift? Maybe it’s just coincidence that Nelson writes so much about music and his books feel like records. It’s not about getting to the end of the story/album, but about where you are now, the chorus swells, the bridges end, a dancing narrative.

I read The Pearl by John Steinbeck because I wanted something short and to give Steinbeck a fair shot. I’ve read Grapes of Wrath and Of Mice & Men but when I was a teenager who wanted nothing to do with school, so as good as those books are, I have a bitter taste in my mouth. I’m afraid any book I read between the age of 12-17 I now have a huge dislike of, no matter the quality. Except maybe The Odyssey. Anyways, The Pearl, as I expected from Steinbeck, was heartbreaking. I don’t think anyone goes into a Steinbeck book thinking it’s all going to end well. I think it would be easy to say Steinbeck has a pessimistic view of people and the world, but I would counter that with he is very aware of how poverty impacts people. That it takes away peoples good nature and forces them to fight for scraps. I’m not well-versed on the popular opinions of Steinbeck’s work, so I don’t know if this is a pretty basic interpretation. But I enjoyed it, as much as the word ‘enjoyed’ seems like the wrong word.

May has been a month of, not self-reflection, but self-reshaping (reframing is a phrase that keeps coming up in therapy). It’s also been so bloody long, I’m sick of the picture on my calendar. A change in perspective. A shift in optimism. I’ve never been one to like the summer, but the sun seems to help.

Thank you for reading,

-Enya xx

Books read:

Shy by Max Porter

Small Worlds by Caleb Azumah Nelson

The Pearl by John Steinbeck

The Unfinished Ballad: A Conversation Between Sam Amidon & David Mitchell 

MFA VS NYC edited by Chad Harbach

Films & rec:

Renfield (2023)-I wouldn’t recommend. It was like a children’s film with random very violent scenes edited in (wasted special effects, some great gore but like…for this movie). Was filmed like a comedy but wasn’t funny, the tone was a mess and the sound design was fucking awful. Acting wasn’t great either. So, yeah, don’t bother.

The Brood (1979)-We continue Cronenberg 2023. I’d recommend even just for Oliver Reed ‘cause he’s always great. As usual for Cronenberg, interesting ideas, not quite developed! But I’d recommend if you’re interested in his filmography.

Whitnail & I (1987)-I think I needed to see this when I was younger, its reputation had maybe over-hyped it in my head. The acting was great but maybe it was my TV but I couldn’t hear what anyone was saying half the time. I’d recommend because it’s quite interesting and dialogue driven and I quite liked the characters.

An American Werewolf in London (1981)-Classic! Icon! The only good werewolf movie! I would watch this on Fuse around Halloween when I was a teenager and wanted to rewatch. Still great and always recommend. It’s a horror/comedy that pulls off the tone well.

Evil Dead Rise (2023)-It is the weakest of the Evil Dead movies but that’s not an insult. The movie is quite good in parts but I think the issue comes from what people think the original Evil Dead movies are verse the actual films. The original trilogy are more comedies than horror, I think Peter Jackson’s Braindead is the best not actual sequel because it understands the tone and gore. The 2013 Evil Dead remake, like this 2023 film, take the subject matter a bit too seriously. Evil Dead 2 is the best of all of them and that’s like a surrealist nightmare comedy. But I’d recommend the film because it’s a pretty good horror movie, it’s just bogged down by being a reboot.

Friday the 13th (1980)-I was surprised that I actually quite liked this movie. I wanted to see it as the franchise is so iconic. The acting isn’t great but all the characters are pretty likeable people. It’s before the “jock, slut, nerd, virgin” trope became the norm and I actually felt really bad for the characters rather than more contemporary slashers that intentionally make you hate everyone so you root for their deaths. I’d recommend because it’s surprising how quaint it is and makes you wonder how the hell this franchise goes to space.

Evil Dead 2 (1987)-Recommend, it’s so great. After watching Evil Dead Rise, turns out my sister had seen none of the other Evil Dead movies so I thought I’d show her what’s considered to be the best one. It’s actually so interesting realising how influenced Peter Jackson was by this series. Like, there are references to Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness in Lord of the Rings! What?! I never noticed before but I cannot unsee it and it makes me so happy.

Army of Darkness (1992)-I’d recommend this if you have seen the other Evil Dead movies, it’s such a tonal whiplash. I did like it though and it’s only 80 minutes, haha. Again, Peter Jackson, I see you! I know what you did! You referenced Evil Dead in your fantasy epic trilogy! It’s delightful to watch particularly if you’re like me and have way too much knowledge of a 20 year old film franchise referencing a 40 year old franchise.

Heathers (1988)-I had seen this movie many years ago and had fond memories of it. I recommend for it’s satirical nature and the dialogue. Also the fashion is great, earnestly 80s.

The Descent (2005)-I love this movie. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen it, for a while it was a kind of comfort movie that I would throw on in the background. It’s a great horror movie and reminds me how I never ever ever want to go caving again. Even just the sound design is brilliant, how it builds tension and that the characters all work. They are all fleshed out enough so that you care when shit hits the fan. It’s a movie that leaves you frozen after, not knowing what to do with yourself. It’s wonderful.

A Nightmare on Elm St (1984)-I’d never actually seen any of the Nightmare on Elm St movies and I can safely say I’m probably never going to watch any of the others. I was sadly, kinda bored most of it. Maybe watching it immediately after rewatching The Descent didn’t help its chances. I recommend only if you’re really into horror movies and haven’t seen it for educational purposes.

Call Me By Your Name (2017)-I only just realised I have watched this film every year since it came out. I like to throw it on and wander around doing chores, listening and half watching. I always watch it around May/June, I think it sets up what I want from summer. Imaging myself in a villa, going to the lake and reading. It makes me want to cook nice meals and sit in the sun.