Someone Wake Up Billie Joel Armstrong (September's End)

Originally posted September 27th 2023

Autumn began with a lot of rain and popping into shop to shop until we needed lunch. I tried a michelin star chicken sandwich (and it was deserved). It had pickled carrot, miso, honey and chili oil with raddish and arugula. The french fries were perfectly crisp. I’m officially a fancy lady. A new record shop opened nearby, found a Joan Baez, Wally Whyton and Elements by Ira Stein and Russel Walder. They had a vinyl of Rudy Ray Moore’s comedy (Moore was a B-movie star/director/comedian in the 70s, a large proponent of the popularisation of the “blaxploitation” genre), I didn’t get the record but I was excited to see his stuff still circulating, because he’s an icon of the weird. I finally checked out the Saturday farmers market in the big park and was satisfied to find the one closer to my flat on Sunday is better. The aircon unit has finally been taken out of the window, and hopefully there wont be another hot week before next year. It seems all of a sudden summer has left us, with no sign of its leaving or returning. We are in autumn as if we’ve always been in it.

September is sad boy birthday month, you’ve got Leonard Cohen on the 21st, Adam Lazzara on the 22nd and Bruce Springsteen on the 23rd. So I’ve been playing them back to back, although the music doesn’t mix all too well. I like the eclecticness. There’s a lot of push and pull but it kinda of matches my brain at the minute.

It’s all a bit hectic, for a bit I thought my living situation was secure, but on a fateful Sunday found out that was not the case and have been packing boxes ever since. I’m trying to take this as an opportunity, to refresh, to rearrange. But it’s also just straight up stressful. I can’t work on a painting I wanted to finish this month, need it to dry so it’s safe enough to move. All I can do is pack and give away, everything else must go on stand by. I’m going to miss my flat, it’s nice and big and cheap. I feel like I’ve finally gotten used to the neighbourhood. I’m worried I’m starting over and will have to work the borders of my anxiety like nothing’s changed. But I’m trying not to see it that way. Trying to see it as a bit of fun (quite an expensive bit of fun).

I was walking after dark as it rained. It’s been raining a lot and it makes me feel at home because it makes me think of England and Ireland. But maybe I just feel at home in the rain. I’m trying to think of it that way. I was listening to Mitski’s ‘I’m Your Man’ on repeat, it feels like it came out at the perfect time but maybe a good song always feels like perfect timing. My arms hurt from moving boxes. My room is empty except for a bed and a few select clothes. I keep realising I need things that are packed away. I feel restless. The cold calms me, holds me when the summer always hurts. I envision myself better now than before. I feel like this whole last year or so never happened, that it was pointless. I feel as connected to those I left as if it’s only been a day. I know in time, once I make new connections it wont be so. But I’ve never let go of anyone. The issues of a sentimentalist. But I hope things will fade and I’ll be able to go out in the evenings to see smiling familiar faces. I can’t keep living like things are going to get bad again so what’s the point? I don’t want the rain to make me think of London anymore. I want to love this new city too. When I picture the future today, not last week, not next week, today, I see myself walking down the street looking forward to my day. With some people I like, wandering. Working in a café, a bookshop, a gallery, something. And being okay. And seeing the rain and feeling that great relief and not nostalgia. September always begs for change, and who am I to deny it?

Thank you for reading,

Enya xx

Books:

Small Fires by Rebecca May Johnson- I feel bad saying I quite liked this book but also don’t have a lot to say about it? There was something that didn’t quite click, it felt very up in the air and I needed it to come back down. This is an issue I’m finding in a lot of books, there seems to be a lack of focus, like, what are you trying to say? I’m reading and getting an idea of what you’re saying but you’re also dancing around it. Again, I did quite like this book. I think because it falls on the more poetic side I’m having a harder time writing about it because I’m bad at writing about poetry.

Stay True by Hua Hsu- A memoir that is both remarkably readable and mundane. I loved how unapologetic Hsu is about being pretentious as a teen/young adult because he understands that that’s just a part of being young and wanting to stand out/be cool. I also liked that we both lived in Cupertino, CA and the mention of Streetlight records. But beyond my personal relations to the area, the book is just very good and nice to read. It doesn’t read like a memoir but a coming of age story. I highly recommend this book.

Movies:

The Quiet Girl (2022)-An Irish gaelic film based on the Claire Keegan novel Foster, which I haven’t read but really want to now. Firstly, just how the film was shot was gorgeous and I can’t believe they got Waterford to look so nice (it is a beautiful place, but the weather being that consistently nice is where you lose me, haha). The writing of the characters and the acting was also great. Just a really solid film. No complaints. I adored it.

A Different Score (2023)- A short film about the music of Julius Eastman and preparation of a performance by Devonté Hynes. It was very interesting learning about Eastman’s life and process and seeing how Hynes worked with others to play it. I wish it featured the whole performance but it was a good watch.

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)- An iconic slasher that’s always been on my to-watch list but for some reason or other I’d never seen until now. It’s very odd watching something so well known and still being shocked by it. The movie feels like it was made by a mad man, the manic energy stirring from it, the brutality still shakes the senses. I’m not a big slasher fan, but I quite liked it for what it was.

Summer of Soul (2021)- The documentary consists of footage from the Harlem Music Festival along with interviews with attendees and performers nearly 50 years later after not being able to sell the footage at the time. It was really cool watching just straight up performers! You know, they didn’t have earpieces feeding back their instruments or vocals, they just had to sound amazing while also not being able to hear themselves which is mad to think about. The film was a great retrospective on the era the festival happened, contextualising it within a politically charged time in history (but aren’t they all?). A great bit of music history and performances.

The Feast (2021)- A welsh gaelic horror film (I somehow managed to watch two gaelic films this month without thinking about it?), a rich family preparing for a dinner party, weird things happen. There were weird choices that was quite handholdy for a film like this. There would be overlaid flashbacks but I was confused because the film’s only like 95 minutes, I remember what happened 10 minutes ago. There were some visuals that I’m sure no one was forgetting about so why flash back? It was a film that seemed like it wanted to trust the audience but couldn’t. An interesting film, but not my favourite folk horror.

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)- Classic, iconic, remember when actors had CHEMISTRY. By no means a perfect film, but a nice romcom and it’s fun and silly.

Bottoms (2023)- It’s a stoner comedy without weed and it DESPERATELY needed weed. There was noticeably a lot cut out and the characterisation was bad. I was disappointed and felt like the script relied too heavily on the gimmick of gay girl fight club (which also felt lacking?!). I blame Elizabeth Banks.

When Harry Met Sally (1989)- After having never seen this movie, I finally understand the hype. I didn’t love this movie but I get why it resonates with so many people. I liked how flawed Harry and Sally were and the point of the movie was them learning and opening up to each other. Love a love story that takes time.

Child’s Play (1988)- I laughed a lot during this movie, I hadn’t seen any Chucky movies and I get why people love them. I wanna see the later sequels when it goes full shlock! It knows what it is but takes itself seriously, it never winks at the audience which is what you need in a killer doll movie, haha.

Rotting in the Sun (2023)- To be honest, I shut this movie off after 30 minutes initially because I was bored. BUT. My sister wanted to see it so I decided to try again and turns out I turned off the movie before it got good. The camera work is nauseating, the sound design makes it all a sensory nightmare! It’s so manic, it’s gross and it’s messy and I can’t say I didn’t like it.